Register, Please

“Hey there sexy, you’re just what I’ve been looking for NSA :) if you know what I meen, but in order for us to chat I need you IM.  It’s the hottest new dating service in town.”

Now this may be an obvious ploy, but how many websites need you to subscribe, need your information, or your credit card and cvv numbers now?  Every single one.  There must be a server out there with my name on it.  I can’t eve LIST all the websites that take down my information, so I can create a username and password.

From your bank, to Facebook, to Twitter, to emails, iTunes, to real dating websites—it seems that everywhere I turn I either get some kind of free trial, with limited access, or must pay for the complete subscription—hell, even this free blogger website I needed to use my information.

I remember a few years ago musicians were complaining about their intellectual property and copyrights and their theft.  No longer do I feel this way.  I think everything on the Internet should be without usernames and passwords and credit card entries.  Jesus!

I mean, I know I’m bitching, but, if I want to build a website, they have to know who my great grandfather was. If I want to go to a poetry website or submit poetry, I have to name my first born son.

So why all these little *s that ask private questions like “what was the first concert you went to?”

Privacy—because there are little 14 year old hackers, who are way savvier at finding out your identity,   that want your information.  But in the process of filling out your information, I am giving license to Zoosk or whatever, every time there’s some news you don’t care about.  Half of my email is “news” I wish would go away.  And that’s even if I check the box not to get newsletters.

The worst are toolbars.  Every program tries to slide in an already checked toolbar.  If I didn’t pay attention, half your browser would be toolbars all doing virtually nothing, but selling shit.

So not only are businesses, programs, and even this Word program trying to figure out ways to take my information, but they want me to be totally consumed by them.  They want me to download them and throw every hook at me.  It’s like some kind of video game, dodging the information attacks.

And in the end, while the 14 year olds can junk up the junk mail, the businesses and programs I choose can junk up my mail as well.  Maybe I’m not smart, maybe I should unsubscribe every new program or business.  Maybe I should be a hacker and hack programs—wouldn’t that be the ultimate privacy, no username, no password, no filling in credit card information.

Or rather, why not like literary magazines, have one program you fill out—and the businesses go to it.  Think about it.  How many usernames and passwords and credit card information are out in some server just waiting for the right hacker?  Make it the Fort Knox of Internet Information.  And it has a list of every business and program I bought or subscribed to.